What is weird?? Does any1 really know?

I have become something that I honestly hate, now to try and explain just exactly what that is would be hard.......A contradiction personified. Love/Hate Mad/Happy Warm/Cold........Struggle to want, but never in need. Pushing away but never letting go........Whenever I feel as though the world has decided to "eff" with me, I close my eyes.....and all I see looking back at me is me. If standing in the middle of a crowd of people, all I can see is hte eyes of people. Everything I think I see, I am probably not seeing and everything I want to see, I can't!! I often feel lost and yet I know exactly where I am going! I can't stand how one aspect of life as turned out and yet can't complain about many others....do I blame one thing for the downturn of so many others........Do I forgive when I know I can't.......or shall I forget when I know I never will....??? I want to scream, and yet I am scared to make noise......I want to care, but don't know how. People often use sorrow and misery as a tool, a way to make the world around them feel for them, and by getting that sympathy maybe the person will gain somehow form their personal tragedy.......Am I cold for not feeling for someone when something happens.....?? Maybe? But I have dealt with many things in my life, and never once have I asked for pity or a hug.......never, and that is why I feel no sorrow for someone who wants me to feel for them.........I really don't know where this came from, and maybe I makes no sense to any1 else, but for whatever reason I felt like injecting a like "real"ness to my writing.........I am the Zodiac!!